Almost
by godessoftrees
Summary: AU: Ron and Hermione never profess their love for each other. Years later neither are happy with their lives. Songfics to 'Almost' by Bowling for Soup, 'So Far Away' by Crossfade, 'Why Not' by Hillary Duff
1. Almost

**A/N:** Give me a little slack on this one. It was published on www dot harrypotterfanfiction dot com on April 8, 2005. I was 15. I will be 19 in 10 days, so that was 4 years ago. I like to think I have grown as a writer. I noticed lots of little mistakes so I have corrected them. I have not touched this short fic since October 2005 but I do fully intend to finish it as I have now remembered it, lol. I honestly forgot I ever wrote it. But here you are, and I hope you enjoy it even though I was 4 years younger than I am now when I wrote it. And here's a lil fact for those of you who have read _Summer of Secrets_ and _A New Life_, April of 2005 was the month and year that I decided to stop cutting. I had been cutting for 8 months at that time. I think the mood of this short fic contrasts a lot with my mood at the time. Tell me what you think if you've read my other two fics.

**Disclaimer:** J. K. Rowling owns the HP universe, not I. I own only the plot. The song belongs to Bowling for Soup.

Almost

Ron Weasley used his wand to unlock the front door to his flat. Once inside, he closed the door and secured the locks. Not bothering to turn the light on, Ron made his way into his bedroom. He stripped of his Quidditch robes, and slipped into a fresh pair of boxers. He fell into bed, exhaustion leading to the sleep he so needed.

_I almost got drunk at school at 14  
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen  
Who almost went on to be Miss Texas  
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes  
I almost dropped out to move to L.A.  
Where I was almost famous for almost a day_

Ron didn't find peace in his dreams. They confused him, and he tossed and turned in the bed. Pictures from the past flashed through his head.

His best mate, Harry Potter, kidding around with him when he almost got drunk at Hogwarts off of some Firewhiskey in their fourth year. Hermione Granger, their other best mate, had given him quite a lecture after that. Ron remembered when he almost kissed Hermione in their 7th year, when she was Head Girl. That was the last chance he had had to tell her how much she meant to him, but he had blown it.

Now was when the dreams mixed with the past. Ron dreamed there was a Miss Hogwarts pageant, and that Hermione was one of the last two contestants. But she lost to some big-breasted slut, who had slept with practically every guy in Hogwarts; incidentally the girl was Cho Chang.

Then it flashed back to when Ron had almost dropped out in their 7th year, he told Harry and Hermione he was going to move to Chudley and join the Chudley Cannons. Hermione had kept him from going.

_And I almost had you  
But I guess that doesn't cut it  
Almost loved you  
I almost wished you woulda loved me too_

Ron woke abruptly, and instantly knew there was no hope for sleep. He flipped on the WWNTV (Wireless Wizarding Network Television), and who would appear on the screen, but Hermione Granger, the Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"I could have given you everything. I could have lived with you for the rest of my life. I almost had you for the rest of my life. Almost doesn't cut it, Hermione. I almost loved you, hell, I did love you. I almost wish you had loved me too." Ron spoke to the WWNTV. He flicked it off and threw the remote control across the room.

_I almost held up a grocery store  
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more  
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug  
Cuz he almost made off with a buncha the drugs  
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away  
And I wished I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay_

Ron finally found sleep again. But the dreams came back. He remembered when he almost got in a fight with Draco Malfoy who had called Hermione a 'filthy Mudblood slut'. Ron would have gotten sent to Azkaban for using the Cruciatus Curse, if Harry hadn't have been there to grab his wand out of his hand.

Ron owed Harry a lot. If Harry hadn't made Ron stop drinking so much Firewhiskey, he would've been hooked to it. Hermione was the source of his problems. She ran off to France for a month. Perhaps things would have been different if he had asked her to stay.

_And I almost had you  
But I guess that doesn't cut it  
Almost loved you  
And I didn't even know it_

Hermione never noticed Ron's affections for her. And as much as Harry pleaded with him to tell her, he never did. Ron could never bring himself to tell Hermione he loved her.

_You kept me guessin'  
And now I'm destined  
To spend my time missin' you  
I almost wished you woulda loved me too_

Ron could never tell if Hermione had loved him or not. Everyone else saw it, but Ron was blind to love. He would never know. Ron would spend his life missing her, and he would never find out that she loved him too.

_Here I go thinkin' about all the things I could have done  
I'm gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton  
I know we've had our problems.  
I can't remember one._

Ron didn't see Hermione much. But he wasn't complaining. He was glad she was away. The pain didn't feel so bad when she was miles away from him. Every time they were together, it felt like the world had been placed on his shoulders. He knew they fought a lot, but he couldn't remember one argument.

_I almost forgot to say something else  
And if I can't fit it in I'll keep it all to myself  
I almost wrote a song about you today  
But I tore it all up and then I threw it away_

And I almost had you  
But I guess that doesn't cut it  
Almost loved you  
And I didn't even know it

The sun rose into the blue sky, and Ron was already awake. He grumbled as he reread his poem, and then ripped it up. He couldn't tell Hermione he loved her. He had tried, and failed miserably. Ron wanted to have her in his life, to have her constantly by his side. Almost just didn't cut it anymore.

_You kept me guessin'  
And now I'm destined  
To spend my time missin' you  
I almost wished you woulda loved me too  
I almost wished you woulda loved me too  
I almost wished you woulda loved me too  
I almost wished you woulda loved me too_

All of his chances were gone. Trying again would just bring more heartbreak. If he had to regret it all of his life, it was fine. _Hermione doesn't love me anyways_, Ron thought with a sigh. He crawled back into bed, knowing he wouldn't fall asleep for a few hours. And when he did find sleep, no dreams came to him.

_I almost wished you woulda loved me too _


	2. So Far Away

**A/N: **Same thing as with _Almost_. I wrote this so long ago I actually forgot about it. I am now giving it the love it deserves though!

**Disclaimer: **JK Rowling owns the HP universe, she made it up with her brilliant, brilliant mind. I only own the plot. The song belongs to Crossfade.

So Far Away

Professor Hermione Granger, Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, fell back into her large, throne-like chair, in her office. She sighed, Fred and Alicia (Spinnet) Weasley's daughter, Garnet, and George and Katie (Bell) Weasley's son, Conner, had turned out just like their fathers. They were caught trying to slip some Veritaserum into a 3rd year Slytherin's pumpkin juice.

All of the Weasleys were married. Well, all but one. Hermione looked to the photograph of Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and herself. She remembered the day that picture was taken. The day the famous Gryffindor trio had graduated from Hogwarts. Ron, Harry and Hermione had happily posed for yet another picture taken by Colin Creevey. Hermione wished she could go back to those days. When she wasn't awkward around Ron, and had been his best friend. But even in their 7th year, their feelings toward each other were different.

_I've been changing but you'll never see me now_

_I've been changing but you'll never see me now_

_Now I'm blaming you for everything_

Things had changed, many things. The trio was now broken. Harry still saw both Ron and Hermione frequently, but now he was married to Ginny Weasley. That had been the first of many major changes to come. Ron and Hermione rarely saw each other, and when they did, they spoke to the floor, not daring to look each other in the eye, perhaps afraid of what they would find there if they did.

_It's all his fault. I tried, but he didn't seem to want to_, Hermione told herself. She had tried to get Ron to open up to her, like he had in their early Hogwarts days, but the truth was, Ron did want to try, he was just terrified to change what they already had. Little did he know that staying away would change things anyway.

Hermione had changed since Hogwarts. She was now successful as the Headmistress of her beloved school. But she still missed the simple life of being a student, and not having to worry about a thousand other young people. Hermione loved her job nevertheless. But it made her heart ache to think Ron would never see how much she had changed throughout the years.

_No more holding it in_

_How many years can I pretend_

_That nothing ever goes the way it should_

_No more sitting in this place_

_Hoping you might see it my way_

'_Cause I don't think you ever understood_

_That what I'm looking for are the answers_

_To why these questions never go away_

Hermione knew she should go talk to Ron, tell him how she felt. But that was something she just couldn't bring herself to do. She knew she shouldn't hold all her feelings for him inside, but the more she thought about it, the more she had to hold those emotions within.

How long could they go without talking to each other? Would they ever be close again? If Hermione truly wanted to be with Ron, she would have to do something about it. But she didn't know how, or even where to begin. She was tired of hoping that he would come by and tell her he loved her. _Maybe he never understood what he meant to me, and why I backed away from him and how much I wanted to be with him and have an answer to all of his questions, and my own_, Hermione thought.

_I'm so far away_

_I've been changing but you'll never see me now_

_I'm so far away_

_Now I'm blaming you for everything_

Hermione felt every bit of the distance between them. Ron felt miles and miles away from her. He would never see how Hermione had changed, and blossomed into a beautiful, respected young woman. Ron was far away from her, and he didn't seem to want to find his way back. _Everything is his fault_, Hermione told herself again.

_No more waiting for the end_

_Of every day that I will spend_

_Wishing that I only had a choice_

_No more pushing you away_

'_Cause I'll be busy watching things go my way_

_Never looking back on this anymore_

'_Cause what I'm looking for are the answers_

_To why these questions never go away_

Hermione gazed out of her office window, waiting for the end of the day, as was her daily ritual. She watched the sun sink into the night sky, casting off brilliant oranges, pinks and yellows. She was tired of wishing that she'd had a choice, but that seemed to be her only option.

_That's it, I'm going to find a way back into his life, no matter what it takes. I'm going to stop pushing him away_, Hermione decided. Pushing him away only made everything else in her life go wrong, maybe something would go right if she did as her heart had been pleading her to do since her second year of school.

Hermione wouldn't have to look back and wish she had done something, now she had the answer, to at least one question, and maybe she would find the answers to the others.

_I'm so far away_

_I've been changing but you'll never see me now_

_I'm so far away_

_Now I'm blaming you for everything_

_I've been changing but you'll never see me now_

_Now I'm blaming you for_

_Everything_

_I'm so far away_

Hermione was tired of being right beside him, but miles away. Ron might not ever see the changes in her, but she could try. Hermione wasn't going to be far away from him any longer. _If only he hadn't have done all this_, she thought. Everything was his fault, but Hermione was determined to fix it.

_Hey, hey watch me wave_

_Goodbye to yesterday_

_Nothing left in my way_

_Hey, hey I've been saved_

_With sun shining on my face_

_Getting me through this day_

_Hey, hey watch me wave_

_Goodbye to yesterday_

_Nothing left in my way_

_It feels so good to say_

_I'm so far away_

_I've been changing but you'll never see me now_

_I'm so far away_

_Now I'm blaming you_

_I'm so far away_

Hermione was going to stop living in the past. Nothing was in her way, except for Ron. _I've been saved, maybe I can save him, too_, she thought.

Hermione watched as the sun rose back into the sky, shining through her window, onto her face. She knew she could get through this day, and the next. _As long as the sun keeps shining, I'll wave goodbye to yesterday. There's nothing in my way, _now, Hermione smiled. She was still miles away from Ron, but Hermione Jean Granger was determined to change that. And she would.


	3. Why Not

**A/N:** Same as before. This is very very very old. I posted this in October 2005 on www dot harrypotterfanfiction dot com.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Harry Potter world, J.K. Rowling is the genius behind that. I merely own the plot. The song 'Why Not' belongs to Hilary Duff.

Why Not

Life at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was not dull. Something was always happening, especially with the son and daughter of the famous Fred and George Weasley in attendance. It seemed like Garnet and Conner Weasley always had something up their sleeves. But for one person at the school, her life wasn't what she wanted it to be.

_You think you're going nowhere_

_When you're walking down the street_

_Acting like you just don't care_

_And life can be so sweet_

_And why you wanna be like that_

_Since there's nothing new_

_You're not fooling no one_

_You're not even fooling you_

Hermione Granger wore a mask. Every morning she would wake up in her big empty bed in her sleeping chamber and put it on. No one could see it, because it was invisible, no strings or ties or anything. Hermione was the only one who knew about it.

Hermione would be cheerful and smile at everyone, secretly gritting her teeth to ease the pain in her heart. She would pretend nothing was bothering her, like she didn't have a care in the world. She would pretend life was the greatest, and nothing was wrong.

Why would anyone want to wear a mask? Hermione didn't like it herself, but her mask had become a part of her. Nothing new was happening in her life, so why was she trying to hide herself from everyone and pretend? Hermione wasn't fooling anyone. She thought she was. But the reality was that she wasn't even fooling herself.

_So walk a little slower_

_And open up your eyes_

_Sometimes it's so hard to see_

_The good things passing by_

_And there may never be a sign_

_No flashing neon light_

_Telling you to make your move_

_Or when the time is right_

Hermione's eyes were closed behind the mask. And she needed to open them. Hermione didn't see the opportunities that were passing her by. But when she did, it was too late and they were gone. There was never a sign telling her that she would lose him if she didn't make a move, or that the right time was now. But it was too late. Hermione would never get her chance again. She had lost him, and couldn't bring him back.

_(So) Why not (why not)_

_Take a crazy chance_

_Why not (why not)_

_Do a crazy dance_

_If you lose the moment_

_You may lose a lot_

_So why not_

_Why not_

_(Why not take a crazy chance,_

_Why not take a crazy chance)_

'Why not?' That question was always on Hermione's mind. And it was one of many left unanswered. Why shouldn't she take the chance with Ron? Why shouldn't she take off her mask? Hermione had already lost her moment, and it had cost her a lot. So what was left to lose if she had lost it all already? Why shouldn't she take a leap of faith and jump right in? Why not?

_You always dress in yellow_

_When you wanna dress in gold_

_Instead of listenin' to your heart_

_You do just what you're told_

_You keep waiting where you are_

_And what you'll never know_

_Let's just get into your car_

_And go baby go!_

Hermione was tired of settling. But she didn't know where to start, if she were to change that. Hermione had stopped listening to her heart, and it had remained silent for many years. So why does it speak up now? Hermione asked herself. She did what she was told to do, and if she wasn't told to do anything, she did what Professor Dumbledore would have done when he was headmaster. Hermione kept waiting, but she would never know what she was waiting on. Why didn't she make her move?

_(So) Why not (why not)_

_Take a crazy chance_

_Why not (why not)_

_Do a crazy dance_

_If you lose the moment_

_You may lose a lot_

_So why not_

_Why not_

Hermione was tired of the questions left unanswered. And she was going to change. This morning, Hermione wouldn't put on her mask. This morning, Hermione would be herself. This morning, Hermione would send Ron a letter. She was going to take the chance, even though it seemed like it was gone. Hermione wasn't going to let her fear hold her back anymore. Hermione wasn't going to be asking herself 'Why not?'

_Oh_

_I can be the one for you_

_Oh yeah_

_Maybe yes maybe no_

_Oh_

_It could be the thing to do_

_What I'm sayin' is_

_Ya gotta let me know oh oh_

Hermione wrote quickly, letting the quill fly across the page. She didn't know what she was writing, but she just knew she had to send this letter to Ron. She wrote so fast her brain didn't comprehend the words that were being written. It didn't matter to Hermione, as long as she sent this letter to Ron.

_You'll never get to heaven_

_Or even to L.A._

_If you don't believe_

_There's a way_

_Why not (why not)_

_Take yourself from the sky (take yourself from the sky)_

_Why not (why not)_

_Spread your wings and fly_

_Oh!_

_It might take a little_

_And it might take a lot_

_But why not_

_Why not_

Hermione pushed all fears from her mind, if she didn't believe there was a way this would work, then it wouldn't. Hermione watched as an owl spread its wings and flew out of the Owlery with Ron's letter tied to its leg. She smiled as she thought of her victory. Hermione had done it. Her mask was gone, and she was finally taking the chance that she had believed to be lost.

_Why not (Take a crazy chance)_

_Take a crazy chance_

_Why not (Do a crazy dance)_

_Do a crazy dance_

_If you lose the moment_

_You may lose a lot_

_So why not_

_Why not_

Hermione wiped a tear from her eye. She had finally taken the chance.

"I'm going to have you Ron Weasley, I'm not giving up." Hermione left the Owlery and walked to breakfast in the Great Hall with the first real smile she had worn in years.


End file.
